Wetlands

Utterly repulsed, slightly sullied, but weirdly impressed is pretty much how i feel having just finished Charlotte Roche's Wetlands. Repulsed because on the first page i was already on familiar terms with the rosette of the heroine's anus, and by the last page i felt like she'd made me do a shot of a cocktail of all of her bodily fluids. ALL OF THEM. from tears to things that the thought of drinking make my stomach twist, nostrils flair, shoulders hunch forward and eyes squeeze shut. and YET, and yet... i was pretty impressed that someone had the balls to write something so amazingly shocking, something that basically says 'fuck you' to our ideas of sanitised sexual and physical perfection. I have to say, that the moment i read about Wetlands in the Sunday newspapers last week, how people had fainted at readings, but how it was a bestseller in Germany and how basically sick it was, i dug it out from my pile of review books at work (HOW the fuck had i missed it??? no idea) and by about paragraph three knew i wasn't going to be disappointed by the hype. But my GOD. i honestly hadn't envisioned having to read it pressed up again my face on the tube because i was terrified someone might read it over my shoulder. or that my face would contort in disgust so much as i read it, my facial muscles actually HURT. or, indeed that i would laugh out loud when i read it (which i NEVER do. smirk appreciatively, maybe, never actually make a sound). I should probably say at this point that it's about an 18 year old girl called Helen who ends up in hospital after cutting herself when shaving her arse, and because she has hemorrhoids, it all gets infected and they have to operate. for the entire duration of the book she's safely ensconced in the proctology unit in various stages of recovery. she is OBSESSED with her body and its fluids and that's all the book is basically about (i mean there's some tangental stuff about getting her divorced parents back together but, pretty it's much 'whatever'on that front). and the avocado on the cover relates to her pet hobby, an elaborate rebirthing of avocado stones - i'll leave you to imagine how that works. and basically i loved it. and hated it. but loved it more.